When to Start Dating After Loss

The Myth of the "Right" Timeline

You may have heard old rules like "wait one year" or "one month for every year you were married." These are nonsense.

Some people date after a few months. Others wait years. Both are normal.

Factors that influence your timeline:

• Length of your marriage
• Whether death was sudden or expected
• Quality of your relationship
• Your age and life circumstances
• Your need for companionship vs. solitude
• Pressure (or lack thereof) from family

"I started dating 8 months after my husband died. Some people judged me. I don't care. I was lonely, and dating made me feel alive again. It doesn't mean I loved him any less." - Sarah, 42

"It's been 3 years and I'm still not interested in dating. My friends think I should 'put myself out there.' But I'm happy with my life as it is." - Maria, 58

Both women are right. Your timeline is yours alone.

Signs You Might Be Ready

You might be ready to date if:

• You're no longer crying every day
• You feel lonely and want companionship
• You can talk about your spouse without falling apart
• You're curious about what's out there
• You have good days more often than bad days
• You can imagine a future with someone new
• You're dating for yourself, not to please others

Dealing with Guilt

Feeling guilty about dating is extremely common. Almost every widow who dates feels this at first.

Common Guilt Thoughts

• "I'm betraying their memory"
• "They would be hurt if they saw me with someone else"
• "I should be grieving longer"
• "What will people think?"
• "I feel like I'm cheating"

Reframing the Guilt

Ask yourself: Would your spouse want you to be alone and lonely forever? Most people say "no."

If guilt persists and interferes with your life, consider talking to a grief counselor.

What About Your Wedding Ring?

There are no rules. Some options:

• Move it to your right hand - Still wearing it, but signaling you're open to new relationships
• Wear it on a necklace - Keep it close but not on your ring finger
• Take it off completely - Put it in a safe place
• Keep wearing it - Until you meet someone serious

When to take it off: Whenever feels right to you. Some people take it off before dating, others during a new relationship. There's no wrong answer.

Types of Companionship

Dating doesn't have to mean "finding a new spouse." You have options:

Casual Dating

• Going out for companionship
• No pressure for commitment
• Just enjoying someone's company

Serious Relationship

• Looking for a long-term partner
• Open to marriage or living together
• Building a future with someone

Companionship Without Romance

• Platonic friendships
• Activity partners (travel buddy, dinner companion)
• No romantic expectations

Know what you want before you start dating. Be honest with potential dates about your intentions.

Where to Meet People

Online Dating (Most Common for Widows)

Popular apps/sites for 40+:

• Match.com - Serious relationships, 40+ demographic
• OurTime - Specifically for 50+
• eHarmony - Long-term relationships
• Bumble - Women message first (more control)
• Stitch - Companionship for 50+, not just dating

Read our online dating safety guide →

In-Person Options

• Meetup groups - Hiking, book clubs, dining groups
• Volunteering - Meet like-minded people
• Classes - Cooking, art, dance
• Religious communities - Church, temple, etc.
• Through friends - Let people know you're open to meeting someone

Widow/Widower-Specific Groups

Some people prefer dating others who understand loss:

• Widow dating websites (WidowerDating.com)
• Grief support groups sometimes lead to connections
• Widow social groups (not dating-focused but connections happen)

The First Date

What to Expect

• You'll probably feel nervous (normal)
• You might compare them to your spouse (try not to)
• It might feel weird at first (give it time)
• You don't have to tell your whole story on date one

When to Mention Your Late Spouse

Be honest, but you don't owe anyone your full story immediately.

Suggested approach:

• In your profile: "Widowed" in relationship status
• Before first date: "I should mention I'm widowed. I'm at a place where I'm ready to meet new people."
• On first date if asked: Brief and factual. "My husband passed away [timeframe] ago. I've done a lot of healing and I'm ready to meet someone."

Red flags in how they respond:

• Uncomfortable or weird about it
• Asks too many intrusive questions
• Seems to think you're "damaged goods"
• Makes it about them ("My ex...") when you're sharing something vulnerable

Good responses:

• "Thank you for sharing that. I appreciate your honesty."
• "That must have been very difficult. I'm glad you're at a place to move forward."
• Shows empathy without prying

Navigating Family Reactions

Your Children

Kids may have strong reactions - positive or negative.

Tips for telling children:

• Wait until you're dating someone regularly (not after one date)
• Be honest but don't overwhelm them with details
• Reassure them: "This doesn't change how much I loved your dad/mom"
• Go slow with introductions
• Don't force relationships
• Let them grieve at their own pace

Common reactions:

• Anger ("How could you?")
• Relief ("I'm glad you're not alone")
• Jealousy or feeling replaced
• Worry about family dynamics changing

Consider family counseling if reactions are severe.

In-Laws and Extended Family

In-laws may struggle with you dating. They might see it as moving on from their child/sibling.

You don't need their permission, but compassion helps:

• Tell them yourself before they hear it from others
• Reassure them their loved one will always be important to you
• Don't bring new dates to family events early on
• Set boundaries if they're judgmental

Comparing Your New Relationship to Your Marriage

You will compare. It's inevitable. But try to minimize it.

Your new relationship will be different, not better or worse. You're a different person now than you were when you married your spouse.

Unfair comparisons:

• "My spouse would never have said that"
• "My spouse was better at X"
• "This person doesn't understand me like my spouse did"

Remember: Your spouse had years to know you. New person needs time too.

Fair assessment:

• "Do I enjoy this person's company?"
• "Do they treat me with respect?"
• "Do we have compatible values?"
• "Am I happy when I'm with them?"

Moving Forward

Final thoughts:

• Go at your own pace
• Ignore other people's timelines
• Be honest with yourself and potential partners
• Don't settle out of loneliness
• It's okay to take breaks from dating
• Your grief doesn't end when you start dating
• You can honor your past and embrace your future